My First Step Forward

Hello, readers.

This is my first-ever blog post. It may not be the most helpful thing you’ve read today, but I hope it leaves you feeling a little lighter, emotionally. My only intention in writing this is to express thoughts that often remain unspoken — the ones we’re afraid to share for fear of being judged. If this post gets you to pause and think differently, even for a moment, then I’ve done what I set out to do.

Let me start with a little about myself.

My name is Madhulika. I hold a bachelor’s and a master’s degree in English Literature, and right now, I’m unemployed. Most of my days are spent reading — novels, articles, blog posts, or anything that catches my eye. I also dance a lot. It’s my therapy. Whether I’m happy, sad, or just overwhelmed by adulthood, dancing helps me feel grounded again.

Growing up, I was pampered — maybe a little too much. While that gave me a safe and loving environment, it also planted seeds of self-doubt. I struggled to make decisions for myself, often second-guessing whether I was making the "right" choices. Even though I was aware of how complex adulthood could be, when it came time to make my own decisions, I couldn’t convince my parents — and eventually, not even myself. That left me feeling like a passive participant in my own life.

The irony? I’m someone who encourages others to stand up for themselves, to use their voice. But when it came to standing up to my own parents — people I love and respect deeply — I hesitated. I confused speaking up with disrespect. But I’ve come to understand: standing up for yourself is not a betrayal. It’s a form of self-respect — something our parents ultimately want us to learn.

My love for English Literature comes from its ability to capture emotion — to name and explore feelings we all carry but rarely express. I’ve travelled to many states across India, and every journey reminds me that, no matter how different our backgrounds are, we’re all facing some version of the same emotional battles: self-doubt, overthinking, the search for peace. Literature gives me the space to explore these shared experiences and to feel a little less alone in them.

We’re not just meant to survive this life. We’re meant to feel it, reflect on it, and express it — in whatever way we can.

So take a pause.

Breathe in.

Listen to your thoughts.

Understand them — gently, without judgment.

You don’t need to shout to be understood. Peace begins in silence.

When you’re in doubt, do the next right thing. And if nothing feels right? Just be kind to yourself. That counts too.

Even now, I still struggle with asserting myself in front of my parents. I often feel stuck — caught between duty and desire, tradition and individuality. Some days I do nothing "productive" beyond household chores or caring for my parents. But I still tell myself to keep going.

The job hunt is ongoing.

My music is still playing.

I’m still dancing.

I’m still preparing for the UGC NET.

Every little effort counts.

Writing this blog was something I overthought endlessly. What if no one reads it? What if people find it boring or think I’m just fishing for sympathy? But in the end, I decided to do this for me.

If it brings me peace, that’s enough.

If it helps someone else, even better.

If not, that’s okay — we all have our own struggles to face.

I’ve stopped worrying about what others might think.

I’ve started focusing on my own priorities:

• One blog post a day.

• Notes for my studies.

• Helping at home.

• Finding peace before I sleep.

Try everything and anything that helps you choose yourself — gently, firmly, without guilt. My thoughts might feel like "easier said than done," but it's you who has to make the first step for your own self, before proving yourself to others. 

Thank you for reading. Wishing you a day that you truly deserve.